Drunk
by AscendingCanadian
Summary: I honestly have no idea how to summarize what I just wrote, as I wrote it after drinking 3 glasses of Red Wine, just read it and leave a review (T for 4th wall breaking and cussing) (Probably very little screen time for Darkness and Megumin) EDIT: OOCness
1. Chapter 1

_**Drunk: A Konosuba One-Shot that may or may not extend to a two chapter story because I absolutely did not set a plot for this, I also typed all of this in my cellphone**_

 _ **Adventurer's Guild**_

 _ **Literally in the middle of the damn night, like, 3:00AM Middle of the night; People are trying to fucking sleep and these idiots are fucking partying, COULD THEY JUST-**_

Cheers roared through the guild hall as Adventurer's danced left and right, some were just sitting and drinking, some were...roleplaying? Foreplay? Can't really tell because they were all drunk.

Of course, our (least) favourite goddess Aqua was among the drunkards (drinkers?), dancing in the middle of the crowd while performing party tricks (which really wasn't good idea because she could accidentally drown all of us in there.)

And of course, Satou Kazuma, was in the sidelines, watching as our (least) favourite goddess was dancing in the center of a crowd of adventurers.

I swear if this franchise wasn't PG-13, they'd all be doing their way with her; back on topic, it was literally just hours after they managed to defeat a monster, with said monster literally doing nothing and just blocking the path to the city, all of their attacks failed, Megumin hurriedly casted explosion and ended up damaging a small part of the town the monster was passing through; costing us 25,000 Eris.

Although they were lucky enough that their reward was 60,000 Eris, deducted for the damages done to the small town.

Kazuma could just sigh with a contented smile as he watched the goddess(lol) perform party tricks, on top of the center most table, everybody's eyes were focused on her, except for Megumin who was happily munching on a piece of Toad meat, Darkness had to do some Lord duties as her father requested, stating that 'She needed the experience.'

Her performance was consequently disturbed when she flinched, both of her hands landing on her stomach and mouth.

Kazuma could only sigh as he guided the goddess(lol) outside the guild hall and patted her back as she threw up actual literal rainbow colored puke, with said puke forming a small rainbow at the bottom and silver stars casually flying up and away from where the rainbow colored puke met the ground.

 _ **In the living room of the mansion they -Technically Speaking- owned**_

Kazuma casually set the barely conscious Aqua down on the sofa, the blue haired self-proclaimed goddess(lol) mumbling something about someone looking cute and handsome and all that shit Kazuma had grown immune to.

At least, when she wasn't drunk.

Walking off to get something to drink, Kazuma was stopped dead in his tracks as Aqua shouted;

"Kazuma!~ come 'ere for a sec~" The Goddess of Debt, Alcohol, and Douchebaggery requested, forcing herself to sit up.

" _How the hell does she pronounce a tilde!?"_ Kazuma asked himself, he wasn't sure as to how Aqua managed to pronounce the tilde from the previous paragraph.

"What is it?" He asked in an irritated tone, scratching the back of his head as he looked at the sitting Goddess of Debt, Alcohol and Douchebaggery.

The instant his eyes landed on her, he turned his head, covering his nose because that's what Semi-cliché Anime MCs do as soon as they saw something they knew they shouldn't see.

For Kazuma's case, he accidentally looked down on Aqua's impressive cleavage, not as impressive as Lalatina's, but impressive nonetheless; he tried to look at Aqua again, only to turn away Cliché Anime MC style as soon as he saw Aqua's position on the couch.

She had decided to lie down again, in a pose that showcased the beauty-when-not-being-an-asshole Aqua.

Her right hand was over head, her left was placed on her stomach, and her legs were splayed out enough that gave anyone looking the feeling of Schrödingers Panties.

"Pat me." She demanded.

" _Eh?"_

Kazuma's mental processing center ground to a halt as soon as they processed what she had said.

Aqua.

Asking for pats.

"Neh, Aqua, are you okay? Are you really okay? There's nothing wrong with you?" Kazuma asked nervously and worriedly while chuckling at the same time; this was the real first time Aqua had asked for pats, and Aqua _never_ asked for pats.

Watching as Aqua sat up, she then pointed to her head: "Pat me."

Sighing in defeat, Kazuma proceeded to do what she asked, smiling at the contented smile on Aqua's face.

He continued patting her even when he sat down next to the sitting Aqua, with the latter even spinning in her place, now sitting crosslegged and still smiling contentedly.

It wasn't long before she fell asleep on his lap.

He had to admit, Aqua looked spectacularly beautiful when she wasn't crying, being an asshole, bragging, or being all at the same time.

Picking her up bridal style, he proceeded to carry her to her room.

The good thing about living everyday life with a mother and two sister is that when one of the sisters is sick, he was the one in charge of their health and well being while their mother was at work.

Setting Aqua down on her bed, he proceeded to open her wardrobe.

Fifteen outfits similar to what she was wearing right now was neatly folded, and her pyjamas were neatly folded next to it.

Taking out a pair, he slowly took off Aqua's top, he had to mentally slap himself that she was _**drunk**_ , and was _**vulnerable**_ while slipping her into her pyjamas; he was quite surprised that she actually was wearing panties, blue and white striped ones, with a signature of someone named "Akatsuki."

As soon as he tucked her under the sheets, she felt her hand grab the sleeve of his tunic.

"Sleep with me~" She demanded still in her drunken state.

" _WHAT'S GOING ON!?"_ He asked himself in his mind, this wasn't the Aqua he knew, WHAT-

"Okay." He replied, taking off his shoes, socks, belt, and all too familiar dark green cape, proceeding to lie down next to the goddess.

He flinched when she wrapped her arms around him and snuggled her face on the back of his neck, every breath sent a tickle down his spine, yet at the same time, it felt assuring, like Aqua was telling him that she was there when he needed her.

"Kazuma...I..."

That was the last thing he heard before he fell into the abyss of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm drunk again, and not really as to what you were expecting, I did edit the summary to say that OOCness**

 _ **The Next Day**_

Aqua could only freeze as she tried to contemplate what was her predicament now.

Megumin and Lalatina were at the door, staring at what was in front of them.

On the bed, was a completely naked Aqua (to their point of view), right next to an equally naked Kazuma (once again, naked in their point of view.)

Aqua was absolutely frozen to her spot, sitting on top of Kazuma, her arms pinning down the sleeping adventurer, who was also top naked.

She tried to recall what the fuck happened last night, she could only recall Kazuma stripping her of her...clothes.

Her mind immediately went into panic/crumble into a fetus position mode, her body collapsing next to the sleeping adventurer; the other two just stood by the doorway, dumbfounded.

JUST WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!?

 _ **Author is drunk, so will give you a half-assed short story about what really happened the night befor;, no, only you guys will know about this.**_

 _ **The Night Before**_

"Kazuma...I...love you." The Drunk Aqua said, proceeding to crawl her body closer to the sleeping adventurer.

One, she was wet, Second, she was horny, obvious by the first, Third, she had a sleeping adventurer next to her.

So of course she'll strip herself naked and crawl on top of Kazuma, then proceed to take off Kazuma's clothes.

If Kazuma was awake by this time, he'd see the drunk lidded eyes of Aqua, with her irises turning into hentai-grade hearts; which was awfully terrifying.

Before she could take off Kazuma's pants, her drunk mind reached her body and passed out, naked, on top of the sleeping adventurer.

 _ **Present**_

Lalatina and Megumin silently carried the still naked Aqua out of her room, making sure that Kazuma wouldn't wake up.

It was really out-of-character for Aqua to not give the sleeping Kazuma a God Blow (which Mitsurugi could confirm, hurts, a lot), not to mention Megumin having the strength to lift Aqua's body.

Inside Aqua's mind was even more out of character, questions passed through her head.

" _What did Kazuma do to me? Did I really have sex with him? What did he do to me last night? Did he give this fanfic a 'mindbreak' tag?_ " and etc.

Even after wearing clothes on, she still wondered what happened last night, not even considering to look up and read the 5 paragraph interlude I just wrote.

Speaking of which, where was her underwear?

-Supposed to be a Line Break-

Aqua kept her eyes on Kazuma as they ate in the guild hall.

Kazuma, could feel her gaze.

"Oi, Aqua, you've been staring at me for the past...2 paragraphs, what's gotten into you?" Kazuma asked, concerned for his reputation.

"Ah..it's nothing." Aqua excused herself, proceeding to eat her fried toad meat.

"Hm. Kazuma, what were you doing to me last night?"

Kazuma was unable to finish his drink as he nearly drowned himself with the drink he was drinking, Megumin froze mid chew, Darkness just shifted her gaze between Kazuma and Aqua, a look kf confusion on her face.

"I remember you stripping me of my underwear..., after that nothing." Aqua continued, becoming the most OOC Character I've written.

"I did nothing."

 **THE END**

 **A/N: I ran out of imagination, since I wrote the remaining half sober, so if you guys want to create your own ending, you have my permission (just post them in the Konosuba side.)**

 **This is the Useless Goddess, signing off.**


End file.
